Resisting You

I awake and contemplate a lone bird singing a tuneless song over a cup of tasteless coffee as the death of dew drops announce an unwelcome morning. A connection becomes lost in the vastness as I search in vain; compelling dreams of constant darkness. I want to forget the night full of cold kisses from warm lips; the smooth satin covers your figure and I shiver. Caring, loving eyes full of hatred as your frozen smile has torn me to shreds as each piece of my broken heart reflect our wonderful, not-so-wonderful life together.

I die every moment, thinking of you
the ghost of a future life
I wake up to die again
your love was poison, so was it remedy

I abide by the laws of this land of disbanded memories as I am free to be chained, trapped in a maze, in labyrinths, in caverns and I find the lost souls that roam the hills and fall madly in love where the spiritual lust is pure as the driven snow. Lost but never finding a solution nor do I want to as my search ends where my life begins and I contemplate death.

I yearn for the shade
of the lone, rotting tree
I have travelled miles
I am yet to be free

I think, I ponder, I reflect on empty feelings of overwhelming emotions. I am not sure if I should laugh, cry, feel anger, fear, stay or leave. The cold night welcomes me with sweet, sickly lullabies as I buy whisky and love on the seedy sidewalks of my surreal life.

A passing eternity for all mankind
in the life unspoken of a fragile bind
I fight and I die, many truths unsaid
a wisp of dust, into the dark night I fade

A life foregone a distant memory; a lone shadow is in place of me. The summer gets colder as I walk alone on an empty street; destination unknown. We are but two lonely souls together, lost in our search for an illusion of love. I die on a dreary night, the echo of your whisper accompanying me. My soul is in purgatory; ever-wandering, ever-lasting misery.

"For I cannot be part of the cocktail generation;
Partners waltz, devoid of all romance
The music plays and everyone must dance
I'm bowing out; I need a second chance"
- Don McLean (Castles in the Air)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jamais Vu 2010

Image
I want to get a sense of self as I look back on 2010 and the effect the past 12 months had on my life. This year I moved into my brand-spanking, all-new, heavily-mortgaged house, turned thirty, experienced the biggest travesty in Thamizh Cinema history and battled (battling) depression. More on that later; maybe not. My life has been a series of accidents; wherein others (or normal people) plan their lives, I have been carried by the flow of life; where the wind blows and other related figures of speech. I have been leading a pretty normal life, give or take a few bouts of craziness. I have found myself asking the question (yes, THE question), "what's the point of life, anyway?" and think about it for thirty minutes and having come up with zilch, realise I have gained nothing on the thirty first minute and have a five-minute-breakdown of pointless ponderings and mindless mutterings as life seems to go on around me. I visually become distressed as the above mentioned ques
Read more

In a Lonely Place (1950)

Image
" When in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, And look upon myself and curse my fate " I was never a fan of Humphrey Bogart. Even though Casablanca and The Maltese Falcon are two of my favourites, Bogey never made an impression on me, until, I watched " In a Lonely Place ". Nicholas Ray and Bogey create a most memorable character in Dix Steele, a disillusioned screenwriter, whose short temper and arrogance have made him an outsider in Hollywood. He has not written a hit since before the war, but Dix refuses to work on mundane projects. His agent secures Dix a job of adapting a bestseller, but Dix invites hatcheck girl Mildred Atkinson over to his house to tell him the story (which she considers an epic). Next day, Dix is taken to the police station (by his friend and Det. Sgt. Brub Nicolai) where he finds out he is the prime suspect as Mildred was murdered during the night, af
Read more

Endhiran (2010)

Image
The day was finally set. I was going to watch "Endhiran", the most expensive Indian movie ever made. The "Avatar" of India, the posters claimed. I will admit upfront, I am not a huge fan of either Shankar or Rajinikanth, but there was a glimmer of hope as it was a screenplay by the late Sujatha, a true technocrat whose books and prose I have cherished over the years (would he have coined the term "Robo Sapiens"?). As Sujatha had passed away during the pre-production of the movie, I was well aware that the screenplay would have been completed by Shankar (Madhan Karky is also credited as a co-script writer). The initial reviews had lauded the movie claiming it to be a benchmark in Indian cinema and how Indian cinema has improved by leaps and bounds and how the movie will stand up to any Hollywood production of recent years. The movie proved be a huge disappointment (except a few scenes) and it also proved the fact that without a cohesive screenplay, any movi
Read more